From Crisis to Coach: Sonya Figueiredo's Journey to Inner Change
Mastering Life from the Inside Out with Sonya Figueiredo | The Science of Self
Welcome to The Science of Self! Today, Russell hosts Sonya Figueiredo, founder of Mindful Transitions, who joins us from Australia. With over 20 years of experience in managing complex projects, Sonya shares her transformative journey from corporate success to coaching, especially following a health scare that led her to reevaluate her life and purpose. She discusses her work tools, such as neurolinguistic programming (NLP), quantum coaching, and somatic meditation, to help people, particularly women, foster deeper connections and consistent leadership. Learn how to turn challenges into opportunities for growth, the importance of getting uncomfortable, and how Sonya integrates her professional insights with personal experiences. If you're seeking to improve your relationship with yourself and others, this episode is a must-watch!
00:00 Welcome and Guest Introduction
00:39 Sonya's Professional Background
02:20 The Birth of Mindful Transitions
02:43 Health Scare and Life Changes
05:32 Coaching Approach and Techniques
07:19 Understanding NLP and Quantum Coaching
12:26 Trauma and Coaching
24:09 Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energy
27:47 Remote Coaching and Flexibility
29:09 The Masks We Wear: Navigating Professional and Personal Identities
33:28 The Importance of Authenticity in Building Trust
34:48 Seeking Help: Mentors vs. Therapists
38:25 Intergenerational Perspectives: Working with My Daughter
41:09 Recommended Reads for Personal Development
44:09 Morning Routines and Daily Habits for Success
47:08 The Power of Somatic Meditation
50:01 Final Thoughts: Embrace Discomfort for Growth
Transcript
Hello listeners and welcome back to The Science of Self, where
2
:you improve your life from the inside out.
3
:Our guest today is Sonya Figueiredo.
4
:She's coming to us all
the way from Australia.
5
:I'm way up here in Atlanta.
6
:If you can see the map on my desktop,
uh, Sonya is a long ways away.
7
:We appreciate her joining us.
8
:Uh, what, like almost a 12
hour difference I believe.
9
:Sonya, thank you for being here today.
10
:Please introduce yourself
to our listeners.
11
:Sonya Figueiredo: Thanks Russell.
12
:Thank you for giving me the
opportunity to be here with you.
13
:As Russell said, I'm Sonya Figueiredo and
my company's name is Mindful Transitions
14
:and I am a coach predominantly for women,
and I work with professional, uh, women
15
:in corporate, in the corporate world.
16
:However.
17
:I have had over 20 years working in
high stakes, multi-billion dollar
18
:projects, complex procurements with men.
19
:In fact, there was 10 years where
I was the only female there.
20
:So if you talk about male
energy, I understand it.
21
:Can't say I've lived it, but I do
understand it and what I teach.
22
:It works with both men and women.
23
:Russell Newton: And
24
:Sonya Figueiredo: yeah,
that's me in a nutshell.
25
:Russell Newton: can you give us
some kind of idea of what industry
26
:it was, what they dealt with?
27
:Sonya Figueiredo: It was mostly
government and it was large procurements.
28
:I worked for one of them, it was a mobile
hospital and we are talking massive.
29
:We are talking, um, up to surgery units.
30
:So it was not just the external hospital.
31
:It was all the machines and
everything that went ping.
32
:So you could imagine the complexity there
of getting that through, and I ran it all.
33
:Russell Newton: Wow.
34
:Okay.
35
:So, uh, yeah, that's, that's a lot.
36
:You start dealing with hospitals,
uh, a lot, lot that goes on
37
:in many, many different areas.
38
:So thanks for clearing that up for us.
39
:Um, tell us about Mindful Transitions,
a company that you started.
40
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, mindful
Transitions was born last year.
41
:I had essentially been a mentor
for, for many years, and I woke up
42
:one morning, well, actually it was
about 18 months ago, I got sick.
43
:You know, when you run on adrenaline
for such a long time and at such
44
:a fast pace, eventually your body.
45
:If you're not listening to
it, gives you a wake up call.
46
:And mine did.
47
:I ended up in hospital, thought
I was having a heart attack.
48
:My husband drove me at 2:00 AM in
the morning to the to emergency.
49
:Don't do it.
50
:Always call an ambulance, but we
are only five minutes down the road.
51
:So we got to hospital and it turned
out that I have atrial fibrillation,
52
:which is where my heartbeat, when
I was admitted, was 170 beats
53
:per minute, which is really fast.
54
:And, uh, for three days I was there
and eventually they told me if
55
:they couldn't bring it down, they
were going to have to essentially
56
:stop my heart to restart it again.
57
:And you can imagine everything that
was going in on my mind because it was
58
:like, oh, wow, even though my kids are
grown, you know, they're not done yet.
59
:They, they haven't got
their life partners.
60
:They've only just finished university,
which is college in America.
61
:And then it was like, well,
what's my husband going to do?
62
:All those things that, you know,
anyone would go through at that time.
63
:And I just went, I just went.
64
:My business, my line
of work is killing me.
65
:And I was getting to the age
where it was like, what the heck?
66
:What is life all about?
67
:Anyway, you start questioning
as you start transitioning.
68
:You know, I'm in my fifties, and
you just go, wow, what am I doing?
69
:You know, is the daily grind, is the burn,
is the stretch in all directions worth it?
70
:So that was my wake up call.
71
:I literally got out of hospital, did
a lot of research, and within 48 hours
72
:I had signed up to an international
coaching college that's accredited,
73
:not only here in Australia, but
accreditation in, in the world.
74
:And I just went women.
75
:Well, I, I was attracted to women
purely because I know women and.
76
:Maybe because I had been in an environment
that I've worked with men all these
77
:years, I decided to focus on women.
78
:But funnily enough, even just
yesterday, I sat across from A CEO
79
:who's male because I understand,
you know, the dynamics and what.
80
:But my language translates to men
often because I have seen it and
81
:observed from a different perspective.
82
:So yeah, mindful transitions, corporate
women, we don't just teach tools
83
:and not into leadership tools just
for the sake of leadership tools.
84
:You can learn them, you can pick
up a book, you can, um, go to.
85
:A two day seminar and learn what
you need to know about leadership.
86
:The challenge is putting it into place
consistently, and what I mean about
87
:that is we have conditionings, we're
all been brought up a certain way, and
88
:we have conditionings from our family
lineage, or you have some trauma.
89
:And those leadership tools do not
work if you are triggered sitting
90
:in a boardroom or if you are
feeling out of sorts, because then
91
:you can't regulate your emotions.
92
:And so the work that I
do, we go deep and we.
93
:Try to focus on what is stopping
someone from breaking into, you
94
:know, breaking that glass ceiling or
stopping them from being consistent.
95
:And also teach them the language
of rapport that goes deeper than
96
:what most tools will give somebody.
97
:But that's what we do.
98
:Russell Newton: Mindful transitions, uh,
you refer to neurolinguistic programming
99
:in your, uh, in your materials as well.
100
:Is your approach to, can I call it
counseling or therapy or just coaching?
101
:Is it based on NLP?
102
:Does it draw some things from
NLP or is it, uh, a hybrid of of
103
:that and maybe other practices?
104
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, good question.
105
:Uh, yes, predominantly NLP Uh, the
college that I have gone through
106
:goes just a little bit higher.
107
:It takes a hybrid of the best of
the best, but I am certified in NLP
108
:and I'm just completed certification
in quantum coaching as well.
109
:So.
110
:That.
111
:What that means is we take NLPA
lot of the breathing, a lot of the
112
:exercises, but then we bring the
client down to the cellular level
113
:to regulate the nervous system.
114
:Though I can't promise anyone
that I can fix something, but what
115
:I can do is promise that I can.
116
:Help them recognize what's going on and
give them the tools that they can use
117
:in the moment, or if it shows up, it's
a blip of a recognition as opposed to
118
:spiraling back into those old habits.
119
:Russell Newton: Hmm.
120
:Okay, great.
121
:Can you give us, um.
122
:A definition of NLP and maybe what
parts of that are most predominant
123
:in your quantum transitions?
124
:I'm sorry, mindful transitions
or, um, quantum methodologies
125
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah.
126
:Sure.
127
:Um, essentially your, your
linguistic programming is
128
:rewiring your thought patterns.
129
:You know, it's not woo woo.
130
:It's not something that, you know, we
are not taking you out into the back of
131
:the room and doing some magical things
and bringing you back, but it's just
132
:understanding those thought PR patterns
and addressing them and rewiring them.
133
:So when it you.
134
:I presented with a triggering
situation, you know what to do.
135
:And some of that is through
breathing techniques.
136
:Some of that is what we call anchoring
techniques, which I absolutely love.
137
:And it's a simple exercise of I
will bring my client to a state of.
138
:Where they can recall something that's
happy, a happy time for them, and it's
139
:worked in about five to 10 minutes.
140
:And then I ask them to do it
every day until it is embedded
141
:in their neuro pathways.
142
:And so when they have something that
makes them feel uncomfortable, they're
143
:starting to have rapid breath or.
144
:Erratic thoughts.
145
:They can call on this moment
and within about three to five
146
:seconds, they'll feel their si
nervous system start calming down.
147
:That's a beautiful practice.
148
:Also, do your, you know,
your typical box breathing.
149
:So if you are sitting in a meeting.
150
:And things were getting a
little bit uncomfortable and
151
:you needed to focus a bit more.
152
:It's a simple, you know, look at a window
for instance, and, and breathe as you
153
:follow the lines around the corners
and it just gets you back to yourself.
154
:So that's some of the things I do.
155
:Quantum will take my client
down further, and that is taken.
156
:Say series of up to six or
seven coaching sessions.
157
:It's an hour to two hours each time.
158
:We start off by not even
really asking a question.
159
:I start off with breathing, take
them through a visual exercise.
160
:And I ask them to listen to
their body, where their senses,
161
:what's coming up for them.
162
:And we go from there and I will take
them back to their earliest memory.
163
:And if sometimes it goes even further
than that, it's not even necessarily
164
:their earliest memory, it's just a
primal thought that they are feeling.
165
:And we work through that.
166
:Russell Newton: are you a hypnotist?
167
:Do you do any of that work or
is it just a super relaxation
168
:that you referred to earlier?
169
:Sonya Figueiredo: Sure.
170
:Um, well, you know, with, with with
Milton language and all that, that is
171
:all based on, he was, you know, famous.
172
:Um, and he did do hypno, hypnotism
through language essentially.
173
:So we, I do use a lot of Milton language
depending on the situation and depending
174
:on if any trauma actually comes up,
because it will bring the client into.
175
:A relaxed state, which allows me
to go a little bit deeper than
176
:what some people are able to do.
177
:But funnily enough, you mentioned that
in November of this year, I will actually
178
:be qualified in that area where we do
use more trauma and uh, advanced methods,
179
:which includes the hip, the hypnosis.
180
:Russell Newton: When you're working
with someone and you find out it's not
181
:just an an, and I don't wanna minimize
anxiety, but when it's more than just
182
:an anxiety or an unsettlement, but you
realize there is a trauma that takes a
183
:completely different direction than in the
treatment or in the therapy, does it Not?
184
:Sonya Figueiredo: 100%, yes.
185
:All the, all the tools go out the
window and we, we, and you know, it's.
186
:The interesting thing with, so the
differences between coaching and
187
:psychology, one is obviously the
degree, but it's also we don't just
188
:have one methodology that we use.
189
:And when it comes to trauma.
190
:You know, some people think that
trauma is something terrible and
191
:something physical has happened
to somebody, and that obviously is
192
:one thing that can have happened.
193
:But when you're a child and you are
around about four or six, all of a sudden
194
:the conditions that could have been
used with you in your child rearing,
195
:for instance, I had a detached mother.
196
:I was born premature and for
my first seven months of my
197
:life, I was in a cold, sterile
environment, uh, in a humidity crib.
198
:And so I had the fight flight instinct
wired into me from the day I was born.
199
:My mother had detachment because
she couldn't hold me, and she had.
200
:What I believe now is would've
been, you know, depression and
201
:postnatal depression with that.
202
:And so my child bringing was upbringing
was, even though she loved me,
203
:the connection was very different.
204
:And so my trauma and what
came became hyper independence
205
:was from a very young age.
206
:And when you are working with somebody
with whatever trauma is presenting,
207
:sometimes that it's the first time
when they realize it in a coaching
208
:session and it's a gentle nego, non
negotiations, a gentle walking alongside
209
:them, helping them navigate, taking
them as far as the body is ready to.
210
:And that can happen over a series
of three or four sessions before you
211
:actually get to where they're comfortable.
212
:To be able to go a little bit further
and then actually address the root cause.
213
:You just dunno what's going to come up.
214
:Russell Newton: Just from the,
the last few minutes, there is
215
:NLP process a more relationship.
216
:Dependent process in therapy
or in counseling than maybe CBT
217
:or some of the others would be.
218
:It sounds like you, I mean you,
you mentioned you're walking side
219
:by side down a path with a person,
so you're right there with them.
220
:And it's not always the
case in therapies, is it?
221
:Sonya Figueiredo: No.
222
:No, it's not.
223
:Yeah, it's it in a lot of therapies.
224
:It's, here's the tools.
225
:I'm going to tell is it therapy
is a lot of the times is sort of a
226
:mix between a mentor and a coach,
and normally it's like, yep, I
227
:can see where you're coming from.
228
:I think this tool will work.
229
:Go try that, or you will challenged
the person with my coaching practice.
230
:Depending on what the client wants,
because some corporate people, all
231
:they want is to be mentored and
I'll switch it up and I'll do that.
232
:But in order for things
to work consistently, it
233
:is walking alongside them.
234
:I steer them, I walk with them, and
they come to their own conclusions.
235
:I'll challenge them though,
and that's the difference.
236
:Yeah.
237
:Russell Newton: you said your, your health
scare, your AFib occurred 18 months ago.
238
:Is that correct?
239
:And you.
240
:So from recovering from that and in
that timeframe you've made, did you
241
:have exposure to NLP and the work before
that or has all that happened since?
242
:Sonya Figueiredo: Great question.
243
:It pretty much has happened in
the last 18 months, but a lot
244
:of what I do that's pretty in.
245
:Thank you.
246
:I, I threw myself into it.
247
:It was, you know, you get to a point for
me when I was lying in the hospital, I
248
:was like, well, what's going to happen?
249
:You know, do I want to live where
I'm managing my condition or
250
:do I want to live fully and not
have to worry about my condition?
251
:Because for about two months afterwards,
you know, I was listening to.
252
:I read all the research.
253
:I listened to audio books.
254
:I looked at the science base
behind natural fibrillation because
255
:it's happening a lot earlier now.
256
:Pe uh, young people will get it as
early as 30, whereas it used to be
257
:condition of people in their eighties.
258
:Russell Newton: Oh,
259
:Sonya Figueiredo: and because we all
apparently, and now don't quote me
260
:on this, but it's something scary.
261
:Like 90% of people by the time
you're 80, will get that condition.
262
:But what's happening now, because we
are in a society when no one gets rest,
263
:and what do I mean by no one gets rest?
264
:Well, you know, we're
always on our phones.
265
:We've always got blue light around us.
266
:We are not interacting and
slowing down like we used to.
267
:You know how.
268
:10, 15 years ago, we would go and sit
at a coffee shop and have a leisurely
269
:coffee with a friend, and it would
maybe go for an hour or two hours.
270
:Now the interaction is done behind
a screen mostly, and so you go
271
:from the workplace onto your phone
and you're sitting in your bed and
272
:late at night, 11 o'clock at night.
273
:Still scrolling.
274
:So our nervous system is not resting.
275
:And what they're finding
is actual fibrillation is
276
:starting at an earlier age.
277
:And there's been quite a few cases at 30.
278
:So when I was going through
that long story, I apologize.
279
:Um, it just got me thinking that things
had to change 'cause I was getting
280
:myself into a real anxious state and you
know, I was getting quite morbid with my
281
:thoughts and it was like, no, hang on.
282
:I have to change this.
283
:And that's when I had to, I realized
like, okay, if I am going to do the work
284
:on myself and I'm going to get my center
where it needs to be, and I've gotta tell
285
:you it's the strongest it's ever been.
286
:I've sadly, I've lost some friends along
the way, and that's purely because I'm
287
:not the person they felt safe with.
288
:And when I, when I say not safe with,
when you get your friendship group,
289
:you normally gravitate to people for a
reason, and mostly that is because you
290
:feel comfortable and familiar with them.
291
:And now this Sonya shows up a lot
stronger and it's, Sonya won't
292
:hesitate in saying something.
293
:And so, you know, I've lo I've,
I've lost people along the way.
294
:But what I'm doing now is I'm attracting,
attracting like-minded people,
295
:which is a lovely journey in itself.
296
:But yes.
297
:So 18 months, that's, that's been my
journey and I've, uh, worked hard at
298
:getting the certifications that I've got.
299
:I'm still learning though, you.
300
:I've got in most probably until
around January next year until
301
:I've gone as far as I want to go.
302
:But every time I see something
else, I'm going, yes, I can
303
:bring that into my practice.
304
:Let me learn it.
305
:Russell Newton: from your website
you mentioned, and I'm just gonna
306
:read from the website, you're
fostering, helping individuals or
307
:women specifically in fostering deeper
connections in all facets of life.
308
:Paving the way for improved
relationships and purpose driven living.
309
:Is purpose the.
310
:The, the thing you start with or
the thing you move to, or is it just
311
:they're, they're all equal and you
work on them at the same, like, can you
312
:clear up some of that for me please?
313
:Yes,
314
:Sonya Figueiredo: sure.
315
:Absolutely.
316
:Like when I start with a client, of
course I'm going to ask them their why.
317
:So at the base level, it, it is about
their purpose, what their why is.
318
:But 90% of the time I'll
find that why when they first
319
:came is not their actual why.
320
:And what I mean by that is people
will come with safe problems.
321
:People will come with their external,
what they project to the world, because
322
:that feels safe to them, but they
won't show up with their internal
323
:problems and what's really going on.
324
:All the things that they, they push.
325
:Deep down or to the background and
they don't want to address them.
326
:So what I like to do is work on their
relationship with themselves first,
327
:and once their relationship with,
they bring themselves to a place of
328
:trust because it's actually scary
to think that a lot of people who do
329
:search out coaching or counseling.
330
:Really do not have a relationship
of trust with themselves.
331
:Everything has been done on unconscious
living and they're running on autopilot,
332
:and if they're dismissing something,
it's because it's bringing something
333
:up on the in themselves and they're not
trusting what they will do with that.
334
:So that's what I bring them back.
335
:I bring them back to trust of
self in their relationships.
336
:And then of course that will pivot
out to their external relationships.
337
:And then from there, the why or
the purpose that they started
338
:off with is more than often than
not, not what it ends up with.
339
:Russell Newton: Very good.
340
:I hadn't.
341
:I've never heard it expressed
that way, but I, I appreciate
342
:that because that is exactly true.
343
:What, as you say, what their why is, um.
344
:We challenge our listeners regularly
through the podcast on understanding your
345
:why, your purpose, your your mission,
what, however you wanna term term it.
346
:Um, but to sit down with someone fresh
and try to get to that in one, in one
347
:conversation is, uh, pretty difficult,
I imagine for them as well as for you.
348
:Sonya Figueiredo: It absolutely is.
349
:You know, some people think it's just, uh,
let me do one session and I'm good to go.
350
:Uh, it doesn't work that way.
351
:You know, of course we, I can do a
hyper session of 90 minutes, but I
352
:can guarantee you they'll come back.
353
:So,
354
:and she's fun.
355
:Go on.
356
:Sorry.
357
:No, I was just thinking actually
as I'm talking and you, I know your
358
:listeners are predominantly men.
359
:Uh.
360
:Male energy and female energy
is coming to mind right now.
361
:And I don't know if you know a
lot about male energy and female
362
:energy and what the difference is.
363
:No,
364
:Russell Newton: no, not formally, no.
365
:Sonya Figueiredo: Okay.
366
:So we, we are all born with ma
masculine and feminine energy.
367
:Feminine energy is
basically based on chaos.
368
:And so we're very chaotic and
we are really good at doing a
369
:lot of things all at one time.
370
:Doesn't necessarily mean we're good
at doing it, but we can do a lot.
371
:Men come from a place of center, so if
you think of an ocean where the water
372
:is choppy and constantly moving, and
then a ship on top of the ocean, so
373
:it's the feminine and the masculine.
374
:Russell Newton: Okay, great.
375
:And
376
:Sonya Figueiredo: sometimes, yeah,
and sometimes when we become unstuck
377
:or for leaders, you know, constantly
in that steady state, they need a
378
:little bit of that feminine mix up to
be the leader that comes into being.
379
:That shows up very differently, leads
very differently, and can relate to.
380
:Everyone that they work with
in, in their leadership role.
381
:Russell Newton: Great.
382
:Thank you.
383
:Um,
384
:you, you talked about briefly, uh,
anchoring, is it something that
385
:can be self-learn or, or are there
some things that can be picked up?
386
:Do you offer anything, a self-study
course or a self-improvement information?
387
:Sonya Figueiredo: Sure, absolutely.
388
:Um, there is a 10 week course that can
be done and it's sent weekly, and it is a
389
:mixture of, uh, self-based, uh, exercises,
meditation, a whole mixture of things.
390
:The, what I normally do ask though
is during those 10 weeks, I will
391
:have two, one-on-one sessions with
the client just to check in, see
392
:how they're going, what they need.
393
:But, uh, there is that, that option there.
394
:But you know, it depends on what the.
395
:Client is actually after some people
go, well, I don't have time for
396
:one-on-ones, and I just gimme the course.
397
:Like, yeah, I'll just give
you the course and that works.
398
:And it, you know, it's what somebody
needs at that point in time.
399
:Mm-hmm.
400
:What, what I do find is ultimately
after the one-on-ones, a lot, lot
401
:of them will come back and circle
back around, particularly if they
402
:want to go a bit further because
I do have a, uh, science based.
403
:Assessment that will look at it.
404
:It, it's a series of 72 questions,
and it comes up with their prominent
405
:personality, but not only their
personality, also their trait.
406
:And when that assessment comes back and
we work and go through what it's showing
407
:up, what you'll find there, or what I
find there is that ultimately to get
408
:back into that balance state, it can take
around three sessions of one-on-ones.
409
:So really depends on
what the client is after.
410
:I'm not into a one thing fits all.
411
:It's all tailored.
412
:Russell Newton: Very good.
413
:And you do this, uh, remotely
for anybody, not just people that
414
:are able to visit you in person.
415
:Sonya Figueiredo: That's right, yes.
416
:So Zoom.
417
:Zoom is my friend, you know, a bobblehead.
418
:Russell Newton: It's opened up the
whole world in a lot, in a of good ways.
419
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, absolutely has.
420
:I mean, obviously I'm based in Australia.
421
:I have clients in the US so
I'm used to getting up at, you
422
:know, 3:00 AM in the morning.
423
:Mm-hmm.
424
:Um, so.
425
:It is, you know, this is, for me,
coaching is a lifestyle choice.
426
:I don't necessarily have
a typical nine to five.
427
:I'll pick my hours.
428
:You know, one-on-ones in person are
brilliant, but it's not necessary these
429
:days because of the technology we have.
430
:Russell Newton: I suspect that you are
as busy now in your entrepreneurial.
431
:Work and, and the company that you've
started and, and this, especially with
432
:your studies over the past 18 months,
you're putting in as many hours now as
433
:you were before in your procurement,
uh, professional process, are you not?
434
:I,
435
:Can you compare the before and
after and how it's, it's not
436
:the amount of work, obviously.
437
:Sonya Figueiredo: Right.
438
:That's a good question.
439
:I'm sure you and your listeners
have heard about the masks we wear.
440
:So for me,
441
:no, you just hit something here.
442
:Um Oh, wearing a mask was hard work.
443
:It is hard work.
444
:It's tiring because you're
always on a level of.
445
:Protection, shall we say.
446
:You know, you wear a mask
because you want to keep safe.
447
:You're wearing a mask because you
either want somebody to see that you
448
:are professional and you're always
running in that professional mode,
449
:or you are wearing a mask because you
don't want people to come too close
450
:to you, whether you know it or not.
451
:So it's, it's, it's a safety
mechanism that we wear.
452
:When I was in my.
453
:Past life, shall we say.
454
:I was always wearing a mask.
455
:I would even wear a mask with my friends.
456
:I used to pride myself as a
being a leader who, my team knew
457
:me, but they didn't know me.
458
:So I would always come
to work, put on my suit.
459
:There was my armor switched on.
460
:I would go.
461
:In my friendship life because
I had to find that trust
462
:in myself, even my friends.
463
:And I was driving, uh, only 12 months
ago with my daughter in the car, and we
464
:were having a conversation and sometimes
my mind works quirky, like I'll always
465
:work out or, okay, this age, so that
means I've got maybe 30, 35 years left.
466
:That's really sad, but that's
how my mind used to work.
467
:And I was saying, you know, I was
just having this thought about
468
:who would come to my funeral
and I'm going, oh my goodness.
469
:I don't really have that many friends.
470
:And not that that didn't worry me,
but it was like, hang on, this is
471
:my personality, but these are the
only people that I could think of.
472
:And I just happened to mention
it to my daughter who's in her.
473
:Late twenties, and she was
like, mom, no one knows you.
474
:And I'm going, what do you mean?
475
:She goes, come on mom.
476
:You know, you presented a certain
way even with your friends.
477
:You know, you, you never, you
have the deep conversations
478
:with them, but they're the deep
conversations with them, not with you.
479
:And so that's what I talk about a mask.
480
:So it, it's exhausting.
481
:Whereas now ask me anything,
you know, I'll be respectful.
482
:If, if it's something that I feel
that you know is not relevant,
483
:I'll certainly tell you that.
484
:But hey, bring it on.
485
:Ask me.
486
:And so it's not tiring anymore.
487
:Russell Newton: That's, that's
very strong and that, uh.
488
:That could be an entire episode in itself.
489
:And we have those masks
we don't even know about.
490
:I mean, we're almost taught to, in,
in our society, I think to go to work
491
:and present yourself in some way.
492
:And then when you're out socially,
you present yourself one way.
493
:And when you're with your kids,
you present yourself in another
494
:way or their friends maybe.
495
:And, and there's some
viability maybe to that.
496
:But yeah, it, it is just
a bunch of different.
497
:Fronts that we have to
put on and maintain.
498
:When you started talking about masks, it
reminded me of the, the saying about, uh,
499
:how difficult it is to, to not be truthful
in conversations, because you always have
500
:to remember, what did I say last time
and what, what fronts am I putting on?
501
:What am I, how am I supposed to react in
this situation instead of as you are now,
502
:just, I don't have to remember anything.
503
:I just am who I am and, and life.
504
:Is handled as it as I wish to handle
it now instead of it becoming some
505
:overwhelming process that it was before.
506
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, 100%.
507
:And as I said to you, you know, if,
if I don't think the question is a
508
:appropriate, I'll certainly say that.
509
:Whereas I used to dance around
it, you know, it's, it's what
510
:I call political correctness.
511
:And political correctness has a
place particularly in business, but.
512
:Getting the business done is all
about the rapport you build and the
513
:trust that you build with a person.
514
:And if you can't come from a position
where you can answer something that
515
:is centered and grounded and truthful
to you, then it's not going to work.
516
:It works for a time, but
it doesn't work forever.
517
:Russell Newton: I, I would like
you to make a distinction for
518
:us, for, for listeners that.
519
:Are dealing, uh, with, with issues
in their personal development process
520
:because it's an, it's an important thing
to know when it's some, and we alluded
521
:to this earlier, when it's something
that I can self-treat or I can not
522
:diagnose, but I can read something on
it, I can learn about it myself, and I
523
:can take care of those things versus.
524
:When it's time to seek
actual professional help.
525
:And there's always stigmas associated
really with both, but more with, you
526
:know, going somewhere I'm seeing a
therapist for some reason, uh, has a
527
:negative connotation to a lot of people.
528
:Can you clear up some issues there?
529
:If an individual is really struggling,
how, what kind of advice would you give
530
:them to determine whether they sh what
path they should take to, to find a
531
:room for improvement in their lives?
532
:Sonya Figueiredo: Okay, firstly,
let's, uh, change the stigma.
533
:Call it a mentor, particularly for
professional men and women mentors feels
534
:safe and it has a different perspective.
535
:The difference between a mentor
and as coaches, we won't just
536
:say, you know, do this, do that.
537
:We are going to help you get to where
you need to go by helping yourself first.
538
:You'll wake up if you are staying
waking up at 3:00 AM every morning
539
:and, and staying awake for several
hours if you are finding that you are
540
:disconnecting from your relationships.
541
:And what I mean by that is if you are
sitting, um, across the table from your
542
:partner and you are on your phone or
they ask a question and you are not.
543
:Leaning in and listening to them
intently and making it a reciprocal
544
:two-way conversation flow.
545
:You're probably disconnected if something
is coming up for you and you keep pushing
546
:it down or you make yourself busy.
547
:The busiest people are
generally the people.
548
:Who are running from something, and I'm
not talking about being busy at work.
549
:I'm talking about being really
busy in all aspects of your life.
550
:I can't give you the golden answer
for that, but you'll know if
551
:you are constantly fighting and
avoiding something, the chances are.
552
:It's time to address it.
553
:And yes, you can read the books.
554
:Yes, your YouTube is the most
wonderful tool that you can get
555
:on and you can look at things.
556
:And we all have Google Doctor.
557
:Um, you've got those available to us.
558
:Even chat, GTP.
559
:It's a, it's amazing what chat GTP
will come up with these days, but it
560
:will only address your problem so far.
561
:Yeah, and I've gotta tell you,
even coaches have coaches.
562
:I have several coaches that
I work with for myself.
563
:Yeah.
564
:So you can go so far without a coach, but
there comes a point in your time that I'm
565
:going, Hey, what are you losing out on?
566
:You know, what's it going to cost you?
567
:Maybe one session to see if
it's going to work for you.
568
:You know what?
569
:What is the cost of not trying it
versus what is the cost for you?
570
:If you try it and it works and you
know you're seeing my energy, imagine
571
:bringing this energy in whatever
aspect of your life each and every
572
:day, and it doesn't feel hard anymore.
573
:Russell Newton: Your first statement,
I think, is very powerful There.
574
:People brag about, yeah, I found a mentor.
575
:I'm working with a mentor, or I
have a, I hired a personal coach.
576
:But very seldom would someone come out
and say, I'm going to see a therapist.
577
:And there's no reason for that,
except for societal norms or whatever
578
:we wanna put onto it as a stigma.
579
:So I think it's a fantastic point.
580
:Thank you for, for putting it that way.
581
:I know you work with your daughter, uh,
she seems to be pretty insightful just
582
:from this, the one story you shared with
us about she understood some things about
583
:yourself that you hadn't recognized yet,
but you work with her in some aspects.
584
:You give speeches together and talk
about generational differences.
585
:Can you tell us a little bit about that?
586
:Relationship that, that working
process, what you do with her?
587
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, sure.
588
:Um, you can look her up.
589
:She was, uh, so I, I'm based in
Canberra, so she was the, uh,
590
:Canberra representative of, uh,
younger Strain of the year last year.
591
:She's pretty phenomenal.
592
:Yes.
593
:And, uh, both, both my kids are actually,
my son is a almost a natural born.
594
:Coach.
595
:He, he works in the filming
industry and he's got great rapport.
596
:But with my daughter and I, we have
started to be invited to do, uh,
597
:speaking gigs, if you wanna call it that.
598
:And we talk about,
599
:uh, intergenerational.
600
:Topics and uh, you know, because
the problems she faces and the
601
:problems that I face, the reality
is they're not that much different.
602
:Mm-hmm.
603
:So we just give a generational
perspective on what that looks like.
604
:It's pretty phenomenal actually.
605
:We we're getting some great feedback just
to see the difference and, and obviously
606
:we, we don't hide the mother-daughter
dynamic, you know, we, uh, we, we
607
:show it Watts and all and I think I.
608
:I have most probably been a
coach long before I was a coach.
609
:Um, I've always,
610
:Russell Newton: yeah,
611
:Sonya Figueiredo: always looked at
things a little bit differently, and
612
:that may be because of the line of
work that I had done because strategy.
613
:Uh, was, I had to always look at things
from a strategy strategic lens, which
614
:meant I didn't just look at one side,
you know, everything is polarized.
615
:You know, for instance, love, hate,
you know, uh, grief, happiness.
616
:So I would never actually just look
at it from, from one direction, and
617
:that's basically how my children.
618
:Having brought up as well, don't just look
at what the problem is because there's
619
:always something behind it driving it.
620
:Russell Newton: Mm-hmm.
621
:Very good.
622
:Yes.
623
:Thank you.
624
:What, uh, for listeners that
are interested in this, uh, line
625
:of processing, NLP in general
coaching, mentoring, you've read,
626
:I'm, I'm wagering.
627
:You've read a lot of books in
the last year and a half, but I'm
628
:wagering You've read just as many.
629
:Uh, over the course of your life, you,
you sound like an eternal learner to me.
630
:Uh, I imagine you're always looking
to improve and find ways to go.
631
:In your experience, do you have three
or four books that you could recommend?
632
:What, what would be top of your
list if someone was looking for
633
:further information about any of
the topics that we've talked about?
634
:Sonya Figueiredo: Oh.
635
:Now you've got me.
636
:Let me just get out my audible it.
637
:It's funny, you know, I do read
a lot of books and if you saw
638
:my audible list, oh my goodness.
639
:Um, but they're constantly changing.
640
:I think the very first one that I always
went back to was, um, or Atomic Habits.
641
:Hmm.
642
:Russell Newton: Yes.
643
:Yeah.
644
:James Clearance
645
:Sonya Figueiredo: Clear?
646
:Yes.
647
:Yeah.
648
:Um, that was, was the first
book that I always did go to.
649
:Um,
650
:I'm sorry.
651
:You know, I should know this off by heart.
652
:Diary of the CEO is always a good one.
653
:In fact, I love those podcasts as well.
654
:Um, I, I find those insightful and
it transcends both male and female.
655
:Um.
656
:Unlocking your boundaries.
657
:And that's by Faith Harper.
658
:Russell Newton: Hmm.
659
:I'm not familiar with that one.
660
:Not familiar with that one.
661
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah.
662
:It's, it's, um, building your
relationships through, through yourself.
663
:A lot of people don't
understand boundaries.
664
:In fact, we always think it's a.
665
:Well, what, let's just say what
we think it is and what it truly
666
:is, is very, very different.
667
:Mm-hmm.
668
:That just gives a different
perspective, not only with your
669
:relationships, but in your workplace.
670
:Even the relationship with yourself, if
you can understand that and start with
671
:reading that first, then you can go into
your leadership books and, um, your,
672
:you know, NLP books and everything else.
673
:But I, I would suggest go
look at that one first.
674
:Russell Newton: Locking your boundaries.
675
:Great, great.
676
:Thanks for those, uh, some I'm
familiar with and one a new one to
677
:me that I'll have to add to my list.
678
:We're getting close to the end.
679
:I'll be careful of your time here,
but I have two questions that, uh,
680
:I always propose at the end and,
and I'll give them both to you and
681
:let you close out the podcast with
answers to these however you wish.
682
:One is, do you have a habit stacked during
a day of things that you always adhere to?
683
:And a second part, um, I'm sure I missed
a question that should have been asked,
684
:and I'm, I imagine listeners sit here,
say, ask her this, ask her this, or you
685
:feel that there's a piece of information
that I, I should have asked about If you
686
:have any final piece of, um, information.
687
:A piece of advice, anything that you'd
like to share with the listeners,
688
:uh, please take as much time as you'd
like to, to, to put that out there.
689
:Sonya Figueiredo: All right, great.
690
:Thank you.
691
:All right.
692
:Let me tell you my morning routine.
693
:Firstly, don't reach for your phone
when you wake up in the morning.
694
:Make yourself, make it a ritual.
695
:Make yourself a cup of coffee
or a cup of tea, whatever it
696
:is that you would normally do.
697
:But don't go on the devices because
your body actually needs to come
698
:back to a place of center after rest.
699
:It doesn't need to be wired
and switched on straight away.
700
:So get up and start your day
intentionally, you know, be that as
701
:I said, you know, you walk into the
kitchen, make yourself a cup of tea, be
702
:reflective, think about what your day's
going to look like, then go maybe have,
703
:have your shower or, or do a workout.
704
:I like to start with a somatic release
and I'll, I'll do a somatic meditation.
705
:And I will start my day off with that.
706
:And whatever comes up in the morning
during my meditation session, I
707
:will then sit and reflect on that.
708
:Journaling is a beautiful
practice, but I've gotta tell you,
709
:journaling has never worked for me.
710
:Uh, it's just I don't have the.
711
:The patience for it because I'm
constantly talking to myself.
712
:I'm so, you know, people who have
problems with addressing things.
713
:Journaling works the best, but, um, so
I, it's something I will always tell
714
:my clients to do if it works for them.
715
:What I find works for me actually is
just using the notes on my phone if
716
:I really need to get something out.
717
:I'll just, uh, speak it.
718
:Verbalization for me is the
best way to go, but that's how
719
:I normally start my morning.
720
:And then throughout the day
I have two beautiful standard
721
:poodles and they need walking.
722
:So, uh, they are my exercise
buddies and we'll take them
723
:out for about a 40 minute walk.
724
:And again, that's just bringing
me back to center because if.
725
:Even when in my corporate life, I found
that, uh, walking meetings or walking
726
:around the lake because I wasn't very far
from the lake during my lunch hour is what
727
:I needed to bring myself back to self.
728
:Yes.
729
:And if I didn't do those things, I am man.
730
:And I was ready to curl up into a
fetal position by the end of the day.
731
:So I've kept those practices going,
you know, getting outside, doesn't
732
:matter how cold it is, you know,
um, we've got family in, in, um.
733
:Montreal.
734
:And you know, even when it's been minus
35 when I've been visiting, that's
735
:called, I still need to get outside for
a bit because, uh, we are not, we are
736
:not wired to be indoors all the time.
737
:That's when you get sick.
738
:So that's my, that's my ritual.
739
:Russell Newton: Okay.
740
:We, let me interrupt if I could,
before you get, before you answer
741
:the question I already asked.
742
:I apologize for that.
743
:Um, can you briefly tell us, what was it?
744
:Somatic meditation.
745
:Uh, that's a new one to me.
746
:Can you explain that in,
uh, 30 seconds or less?
747
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, sure.
748
:Um, meditation and somatic.
749
:Meditation.
750
:It just works on a different
vibration, a different cellular level.
751
:So meditation is calming
of the mind being quiet.
752
:Somatic meditation works on various
things, like for instance, yesterday
753
:I did a trust meditation where I.
754
:Sat on a chair and allowed the
chair to cap cup and hold me, and
755
:it was based on a series of trust.
756
:So meditations is normally a calming
state with somatic meditation, you
757
:are addressing different aspects.
758
:So from trust to.
759
:Maybe you, uh, need to look at
your relationships with money, um,
760
:your relationships with family.
761
:So it's a whole different
set of, um, okay.
762
:Meditation that you do.
763
:Russell Newton: Okay.
764
:And one last thing before, yeah.
765
:Okay.
766
:Um, and I just wanted to point
out the, the benefit of, as you
767
:said, voicing something that.
768
:Needs to get out, I think was your phrase,
just the concept of, and some books
769
:we'll talk about, just write it down in
a, a worry journal or something else.
770
:But it the, just the process of getting
it in your mind verbalized or, or on
771
:paper through a, the mental process
and the physical process of writing
772
:it down has therapeutic benefits.
773
:Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, a hundred percent.
774
:There's a, I think it's Harvard.
775
:There was a study done.
776
:It was 70% of people who have
had that process of journaling or
777
:verbalization actually are a lot calmer
and stable within their own self.
778
:Um, I'm writing a book, uh, at the moment.
779
:It's called Good Girl Be Gone,
it will be released in December.
780
:And that's based on my own memoirs, but it
has coaching in each section and what I'm
781
:finding is it's quite cathartic, I guess.
782
:My book is becoming my journal.
783
:It's amazing what comes up.
784
:So yeah, 70%, um, effective rate.
785
:Based on studies.
786
:So it's, it's definitely something.
787
:And if it's not by writing my pen,
as I said, you know, for me it's
788
:just speaking into my phone just
789
:Russell Newton: right, right.
790
:This, the same, the same concept
and the same benefit as well.
791
:Thank you for that.
792
:And I apologize for interrupting.
793
:I'll let you give it a final
closing thought here and then
794
:we'll sign off for our listeners.
795
:Sonya Figueiredo: All right.
796
:Closing thought to me is, and
this was based on a conversation I
797
:had yesterday with a male client.
798
:Uh, he asked me.
799
:How to talk to his partner because
she would just feel the need to, what
800
:I call data dumping, where, you know,
she just shows up and she'll, she'll
801
:just go, oh, I need to talk about this.
802
:And he is like, well, it has no concept.
803
:And he goes, do I need to fix it?
804
:No, you don't need to fix it.
805
:You just need to listen.
806
:But at the same time, what women
are looking for is for men to.
807
:Speak to and isn't that
what we're all looking for?
808
:We are looking for the conversation
at how whatever level it comes up at.
809
:A lot of men, and I'm just generalizing
here, because some women, when they
810
:don't feel safe, do it too, will
get to an answer really quickly
811
:and then just be done with it.
812
:Get uncomfortable.
813
:Get uncomfortable with your conversations.
814
:You know, it's not that the conversation's
uncomfortable, but you might be
815
:feeling a little uncomfortable when
you feel uncomfortable and you start
816
:allowing yourself to talk about
the things that is really going on.
817
:Mm-hmm.
818
:That's when the magic happens, not only
in your relationships, but in in yourself.
819
:So get uncomfortable.
820
:Russell Newton: Not much happens
within your comfort zone.
821
:Thank you very much, listeners.
822
:This is Ben, Sonya, Figaredo,
author, soon to be published, author,
823
:entrepreneur, uh, public speaker, so
many, uh, counselor, coach, mentor, so
824
:many labels, uh, to help describe you
and we greatly appreciate your time.
825
:If you're looking for further
information, you can check out
826
:Sonya Figueiredo coach.com.
827
:Right?
828
:I had a something over the.co.com
829
:there, as well as, uh, several, uh,
other social media outlets that you
830
:can find, uh, by searching I'm sure.
831
:Just for Sonya Figueiredo.
832
:Thank you for your time.
833
:Really appreciate you being
with us and hope you have great
834
:success with your upcoming book
and your continuing businesses.
835
:Sonya Figueiredo: Thank you Russell.
836
:I appreciate your time and please reach
out to me, uh, listeners, if you feel
837
:that my style of coaching, uh, works
for you, let's have a conversation.
838
:Russell Newton: Thank you very much.
839
:Thank you very much.
