Unlock the Power of E.Q.: Master the Emotions Wheel for Powerful Connections
Learn how to master the emotions wheel and unlock the power of emotional
intelligence for powerful connections in this informative video.
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Are you ready to elevate your relationships and unlock the power of
emotional intelligence?
Join us as we dive into the world of The Emotions Wheel, a powerful tool
that helps you identify and understand your own emotions and those of
others.
In this video, we'll explore how to use the Emotions Wheel to:
Pinpoint your exact emotions:
Discover the nuances of your feelings and gain a deeper understanding of
yourself.
Empathize with others:
Connect more authentically by understanding the emotions of those around
you.
Build stronger relationships:
Foster deeper connections by responding to others with empathy and
understanding.
Learn practical tips and techniques from renowned author Patrick King on
how to master the Emotions Wheel and enhance your emotional
intelligence. Whether you're looking to improve your personal
relationships, advance your career, or simply navigate life with greater
ease, this video will provide you with valuable insights.
Transcript
Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, claims that so-called E. Q. is actually a collection of four separate skills - 1.
Speaker:Empathy.
Speaker:2.
Speaker:Social Skills.
Speaker:3.
Speaker:Self-Awareness.
Speaker:4.
Speaker:Self-Control.
Speaker:We have looked at empathy and social skills, and now we can consider the third skill, self-awareness, and how to use the Emotion Wheel to strengthen it.
Speaker:The Emotion Wheel is a tool that asks you to dig a little deeper beneath surface experiences, whether they’re your own or other people’s.
Speaker:It’s a way to fine-tune our “emotional literacy” and get a richer and more nuanced understanding of the rich palate of possible emotions.
Speaker:According to Goleman (and many biologists and evolutionary psychologists), there are only a few basic human emotions - sadness, disgust, happiness, anger, surprise, and fear.
Speaker:These experiences are so universal that other animals experience them too, and it’s unsurprising, since they relate directly to our survival and speak to our most fundamental experiences of being alive.
Speaker:Think of these emotions like primary colors.
Speaker:There may be a few disagreements about exactly how many there are, but most of us can agree that these cover the bases!
Speaker:But of course it’s not always as simple as this.
Speaker:In the center of the emotion wheel are the primary emotions, but these can vary in intensity.
Speaker:The closer to the center of the wheel, the stronger the emotion, and the further out, the weaker.
Speaker:So, when describing how you feel in an utterly terrifying situation, you might say horrified, frightened or scared.
Speaker:Dialing this emotion down, however, gives us subtler feelings like anxious, rejected, or threatened.
Speaker:Even further out on the wheel and we get subdivisions of these feelings.
Speaker:For example, rejected can branch off into excluded or persecuted.
Speaker:Different versions of the Emotion Wheel exist, and some of them capture the fact that we can experience a blend of adjacent emotions.
Speaker:Just as the colors on a color-wheel blend into one another seamlessly (and blue-green exists between blue and green), the overlap of, say, sad, and disgusted might be something like embarrassed.
Speaker:As with all psychological models and frameworks, it’s worth remembering that this is just a map of reality, not reality.
Speaker:You may find yourself disagreeing with the way some of the emotion words are characterized, but the idea is to get a systematic hold of more and more nuanced emotional expressions.
Speaker:If you think that there really isn’t any difference between, for example, curious and inquisitive, or think that you could divide the emotion betrayed into at least three separate components, then congratulations—you are clearly developing your own sense of emotional discernment!
Speaker:Use the Emotion Wheel to pinpoint exactly how you (or possibly another person) feels.
Speaker:Since it can be difficult to identify the precise feeling all at once, start with “primary color” and work your way out.
Speaker:Do you feel mainly happy, sad, scared, and so on?
Speaker:Then, move outward on the wheel and see if you can refine the feeling you’ve chosen a little further.
Speaker:You might start out feeling a vague and ill-defined sense of anger, but on closer inspection you realize this is actually a feeling of humiliation, which can be further refined to feeling disrespected.
Speaker:But you don’t need to stop there.
Speaker:If you also feel other primary emotions, pick those, too, and identify as many emotion words as you need to in order to capture your current experience.
Speaker:Some Emotion Wheels will be laid out logically so that emotional opposites are positioned opposite one another.
Speaker:If you’re really stumped, try to identify what you’re not feeling, and work from there!
Speaker:Now, the Emotion Wheel is not merely an intellectual exercise.
Speaker:Put into practice, it’s something that can help you clarify how you feel, which can then improve your communication and help you better understand what you want, what your boundaries are, and how best to communicate them.
Speaker:On the other hand, learning to label feelings means you are quicker to see expressions of emotions in others, which makes you far more likely to understand them and work with them, rather than have that emotion be a source of conflict (we will look at emotional validation in the next section).
Speaker:1.
Speaker:Anger.
Speaker:At work, a fellow employee barges in to take credit for work that you’ve actually done.
Speaker:Immediately you feel bad, but the negative emotions are so powerful that you can’t quite put into words what you’re experiencing.
Speaker:You check the wheel to try to get a handle on the experience and build some self-awareness.
Speaker:You are feeling anger, yes, but when you question this anger, you realize it’s not the dominant emotion, and that it’s milder—closer to, say, annoyance or irritation with the employee’s rudeness.
Speaker:When you dig deeper, you discover that you’re actually upset/sad.
Speaker:You follow this emotion and realize that you’re feeling hurt and disappointed and as though you are not valued.
Speaker:The initial anger has given way to a deeper, more genuine feeling.
Speaker:Knowing this, you approach your colleague to communicate your grievances in a completely different way than if you had simply gotten angry and yelled at them.
Speaker:6.
Speaker:Disgust.
Speaker:You get back home after a big night out drinking with friends and something feels wrong.
Speaker:You can’t put your finger on it, but you just feel ...bad.
Speaker:Why?
Speaker:You sit down with the Emotion Wheel and can’t identify with any of the primary emotions.
Speaker:That’s okay, though!
Speaker:You choose the one that matches your feeling the closest—disgust.
Speaker:Moving outward you realize that you’re feeling a mild sense of disapproval of your friend’s behavior, a little like embarrassment.
Speaker:It’s not overwhelming shame or repulsion, but it does make you realize that you need to set up firmer boundaries around your own limits and expectations, especially when it comes to alcohol.
Speaker:Because you have correctly identified the location of the feeling (you), it means you are less likely to blame your friends unfairly or even to continue on unawares, never quite sure why you feel so uneasy around them.
Speaker:7.
Speaker:Fear.
Speaker:You tell someone that you’re afraid about the upcoming exam because you haven’t studied enough.
Speaker:But then you stop and question this assessment—is that what is really going on?
Speaker:You consult the Wheel and find that anxious and overwhelmed are better descriptors of your emotional state.
Speaker:You realize that you actually have been studying a great deal—perhaps too much!—and should probably take a break and work on a little anxiety management.
Speaker:Because you know this, you change your behavior in intelligent ways—by taking a rest and being kinder to yourself.
Speaker:If you weren’t so emotionally intelligent, you might have continued to tell yourself that you were feeling bad because you hadn’t studied enough, when in fact the opposite was true.
Speaker:Emotional intelligence always improves relationships—and that includes the relationship we have with ourselves!
Speaker:8.
Speaker:Happy.
Speaker:Let’s say you are newly out of an abusive and unhappy relationship, and just starting to date again.
Speaker:It’s taking some time to reconnect with what you really feel and what you really want.
Speaker:You meet someone new and though you like them and feel good enough, you don’t quite trust your first impressions.
Speaker:Are you happy or just relieved to not be alone?
Speaker:Do you like them or are you enjoying the fact that they like you?
Speaker:The Emotion Wheel can help you tease apart your feelings.
Speaker:You find yourself gravitating toward words like “accepted” and “content."
Speaker:You realize that the way you are feeling is very gently trusting and relaxed, and that there is a complete absence of drama or anxiety.
Speaker:This helps you adjust your previous misconception about what happiness feels like—i.e., that it is about constantly doubting the other person’s interest, always fearful of them leaving, feeling rejected and judged, and so on.
Speaker:The Emotion Wheel can help you fix poor emotional regulation, correct faulty beliefs from past experiences, and help you recalibrate.
Speaker:In the past, you might have broken up with this person because you felt “bored."
Speaker:But after using the Emotions Wheel, you correctly identified this feeling as “safe” and carry on with a person who’s right for you.
Speaker:9.
Speaker:Sadness.
Speaker:You receive a gift from your significant other and it’s awful.
Speaker:You immediately express your displeasure; they’re confused and offended and soon feelings are running high.
Speaker:You step back from the situation and consult your Emotion Wheel.
Speaker:What happened?
Speaker:While the other person may have focused on your criticism of the gift and chosen to dwell on the feeling of being blamed, you question your own experience and realize that you are just plain sad about it.
Speaker:You see the gift as evidence that they have not put any thought into it, and you feel disappointed they don’t know you better.
Speaker:The gift actually makes you feel abandoned.
Speaker:Now, when you talk to the other person after you’ve both cooled down, you can keep the focus on this feeling of sadness and not get distracted by the details of the gift, or make them defensive because you’re laying blame.
Speaker:This way, you have the greatest chance of resolving the conflict—and maybe even feeling closer afterward.
Speaker:10.
Speaker:Surprise.
Speaker:Imagine you are the supervisor to a well-functioning and close-knit team, but one day one of the members resigns abruptly, and you find yourself reeling.
Speaker:For a moment, you’re not even sure what you think.
Speaker:Other team members are angry and sad, but are you?
Speaker:Looking at the Emotion Wheel allows you to clarify your own feelings so you can properly communicate to the leaving member.
Speaker:You discover that while you are indeed feeling many different shades of surprise, you are also feeling a lack of clarity and a strong sense of confusion about why they left.
Speaker:You let this insight guide the way you plan to organize your final meeting together.
Speaker:Because you’ve correctly identified and owned your own emotions, you’re relaxed and able to communicate clearly and can plainly articulate any questions you have for them.
Speaker:You clear up your confusion and the matter is resolved gracefully.
Speaker:11.
Speaker:Bad.
Speaker:Have you ever just felt bad?
Speaker:Our emotions are connected to and dependent on our bodies.
Speaker:Sometimes, our feelings are really just messages from our bodies telling us that something is out of balance.
Speaker:Let’s say you one day feel “bad” and pause to examine the experience more closely.
Speaker:You realize that this label of bad could more accurately be called “stressed."
Speaker:You’ve been working too much, eating poorly, and not sleeping.
Speaker:In fact, it’s not quite an emotion you’re feeling, but simply the sensation of being run down, tired, and a little unhealthy.
Speaker:Many people who battle mental illness learn this the hard way—sometimes, you are not depressed or angry or doing anything wrong.
Speaker:You just need a nap!
Speaker:This may seem obvious, but how many of us confuse tiredness with boredom?
Speaker:How do we know when we cross over from a productive, flowing state of busyness and into overwhelm?
Speaker:Too many people live lives where their emotional and physiological dysregulation has gone on for so long that they mistake it for their long-term personalities or assume that it tells them something big and serious about their life choices.
Speaker:For example, someone may feel broadly unhappy at their jobs but not really know why, and may conclude that it’s too challenging, when the opposite may be true—it’s not challenging enough.
Speaker:Or someone might come to believe that they are sensitive and difficult people by nature, when really what is happening is that they are repeatedly having their boundaries violated.
Speaker:They have been ignoring and mislabeling their feelings of anger and indignation as fussiness or inflexibility.
Speaker:If you become an expert at knowing exactly how you feel, however, you are never in the position of misunderstanding yourself or setting up miscommunication between your conscious mind and your own needs and limits.
