How to Engage, Connect, & Captivate by Patrick King
http://bit.ly/EngageConnectKimg
Stop cringing at small talk. Become more charismatic. Turn surface interactions into deep connections. Hi, what’s your name, what do you do, what are your hobbies, and where do you come from? We can do so much better than that. It’s time to take your interpersonal relationships into your own hands and learn how to connect with anyone. Not a generic book of one-liners or ice-breakers.
Proven principles for social success and likability. This book is not just common sense advice you might find on the Internet. This is where you learn to socialize from the ground up. This is where you will start to get compliments on your social skills and level of charisma. The knowledge in this book can change every aspect of your life; romantically, professionally, and of course socially. The most likable people in the world sail through life quite smoothly - this can be you as well. How to confidently walk into a room full of strangers, and walk out with a bunch of new friends. Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. His writing draws of a variety of sources, from scientific research, academic experience, coaching, and real life experience. A comprehensive overview of how to become supremely likable. •The top conversational landmines you are probably stepping on. •How to do most of the work in a conversation before it even begins. •How to go deep from the get-go instead of staying in small talk. •How to make your life a series of engaging, funny stories. •Being more spontaneous and witty on command. •Channeling charisma like you never have before. How to never run out of things to say and also avoid interview mode.
Verbal strategies for any purpose you might have.
https://www.audible.com/pd/B095Z2WBJ8/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWU-BK-ACX0-261036&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_261036_pd_us
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Transcript
Are you one of those people who “hates small talk”?
When you think about it, what you might really hate is being bad at small talk. Learning how to chit chat casually with people you’re not very familiar with can seem difficult or boring—if you don’t know what you’re doing. Yes, many people out there seem to be blessed with the social butterfly gene that allows them to easily slip into charming conversation with just about anyone, but if you’re not one of those people, don’t worry: you can learn.
Becoming good at conversation is not something we usually think of as a skill to practice and master, but fortunately just a little effort can make you far more confident, more approachable, and a much better listener!
In this book we’ll be looking at how to prepare to be a good conversationalist even before you open your mouth, how to get in the right frame of mind, how to engage meaningfully with others, as well as all the unspoken rules that make the difference between a dead-end conversation and you charming the socks off a person you met just two minutes ago.
Before we dive in, however, let’s take a closer look at what not to do. You don’t want a conversation to fizzle into awkward silence, but you also don’t want to try so hard that you make other people uncomfortable. Improving your conversation skills is not about being phony, manipulative or desperate—the opposite, in fact!
What to Avoid 1: Playing at Being the Cool Guy
We all know what it looks like to be “good with people.” To be confident, relaxed, charming and witty. To tell good stories and give compliments that have people eating out of the palm of your hand . . . in other words, to be that cool guy.
But can you picture it, right now? You’re at a social gathering and there’s that one awkward guy, clearly nervous, maybe overdressed, who might as well be wearing a sign over his head saying, “I read a book about how to look cool and confident.” You know how it goes. You try to talk to such a person, and you get the distinct impression that what they say has been rehearsed in a mirror beforehand. He’s talking too loud, he seems uncomfortable and pushy. It’s simple: it’s all fake.
A lot of us, particularly if we’re quite or introverted people, mistakenly believe that being more sociable and engaging in conversation means changing who we are as people. We may have an image of who that popular, cool person is and think that, if we want to succeed socially, we need to mimic that.
But mimicry is actually the worst thing you can do. Because trying to be someone who you’re not will never, ever work. The best you can do is be a subpar copy of someone else. This would be okay except for the fact that people are a lot smarter than they may seem, and can almost always tell that you’re not being authentic. So, instead of connecting genuinely to people and closing that gap between you, you only put up further barriers, and possibly create more tension.
Calling this mistake the “cool guy” doesn’t mean it only applies to men, or to people who want to come across as ultra-confident. It refers to any person who is actively and transparently seeking to portray themselves in a particular way. In other words, it’s trying to be someone else. Your version of the “cool guy” might be to pretend you like what the group likes, or dress in a way that is uncomfortable but you feel helps you fit in. Maybe you try too hard to appear friendly and easy going that your smile eventually becomes forced, and people notice the opposite of what you intend—that you actually seem stressed out.
